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<title>stucky + angst + "you smell really nice" by ixalit</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26208976">stucky + angst + "you smell really nice"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ixalit/pseuds/ixalit'>ixalit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Tumblr Prompt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:26:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26208976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ixalit/pseuds/ixalit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I just don’t get why you couldn’t at least text,” Steve ground out, shoving his fists deeper into his pockets.</p><p>He’d tried to remind himself that it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to go on a mission without the other. They did that all the time. It’s just that this one was twice as long. And they hadn’t talked at all during it. </p><p>Irritation had been prickling under his skin since he’d met Bucky in the conference room after debrief. It was the first time Steve had seen him, had even heard from him in two months, and he’d jogged up to Bucky expecting a warm hug and a kiss that pushed the limits of public indecency. Instead, he’d been met with a blank face and cold, distant eyes that made his skin crawl and sent shivers down his spine. </p><p>-</p><p>Bucky comes home from a long mission without any contact, and Steve's a little upset.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>165</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>stucky + angst + "you smell really nice"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoStringsOnMe/gifts">NoStringsOnMe</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based on a tumblr prompt from <a href="https://ixalit.tumblr.com/post/627891361917616128/300-words-or-less">this list</a>.</p><p>Huge thanks to <a href="/users/darter_blue/">darter_blue</a> / <a href="https://tumblr.com/blog/darter-blue">@darter-blue</a> for being a wonderful beta!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The satisfying crunch of yellowed leaves under Steve’s boots did nothing to dissipate his annoyance. The walk from the Tower to their Brooklyn apartment was a long one, even for two super-soldiers, but it was still preferable to New York traffic or an overcrowded subway car. Especially after a mission, when everything seemed intent on assaulting your senses and people were like walls closing in. </p><p>“I just don’t get why you couldn’t at least <em> text," </em>Steve ground out, shoving his fists deeper into his pockets.</p><p>He’d tried to remind himself that it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to go on a mission without the other. They did that all the time. It’s just that this one was twice as long. And they hadn’t talked <em> at all </em> during it. </p><p>Irritation had been prickling under his skin since he’d met Bucky in the conference room after debrief. It was the first time Steve had seen him, had even <em> heard </em> from him in <em> two months </em>, and he’d jogged up to Bucky expecting a warm hug and a kiss that pushed the limits of public indecency. Instead, he’d been met with a blank face and cold, distant eyes that made his skin crawl and sent shivers down his spine. </p><p>Those eyes didn’t belong to Bucky. He hadn’t been faced with that look since he fought the Soldier all those years ago. But he saw it often enough in his nightmares, when his mind made him relive those moments; when he was forced to stare into Bucky’s eyes again as they traded punches, knowing that the man he loved was buried beneath. </p><p>He’d been thinking back to those eyes the whole walk home, his mood steadily getting worse and worse. And they were only halfway there. Shit.</p><p>Steve’s thoughts swirled messily in his head, each one making him clench his fists tighter, step a little heavier. What had happened on that mission? Was Bucky okay? If he wasn’t, why hadn’t they called Steve in for backup? </p><p>Bucky’s voice broke through Steve’s thoughts, low and muffled in his coat collar, “Gotta keep the right headspace, you know that.”</p><p>“Yeah, and what is the right headspace, Buck? What <em> headspace </em> did you need to keep so badly that sending me a text to say you’re alive wasn’t possible?” Steve asked with more acidity than he meant, but fuck it, Bucky should know how he felt. </p><p>Bucky sighed. “I don’t— I just needed—”</p><p>“You what? You needed to become The Winter Soldier again for a bit? Forget about me and our life and <em> who you are </em>just so you could complete a mission?” </p><p>“Ye— <em> no. </em>Steve, no,” Bucky stopped walking and ducked into an alley, pulling Steve behind him by his shirtsleeve. “Would you listen to me?”</p><p>Steve clenched his jaw and glared. As Bucky fixed him with a soft, placative expression, Steve really saw the details of his face for the first time that day. Bucky looked exhausted, shoulders slumped and dark bags under his eyes. He wasn’t seriously injured but the split lip and bruises both old and new told the story of a long, difficult two months. Other than changing into his spare clothes, Bucky hadn’t even gotten cleaned up yet. Sweat and dirt still smudged his face, obscured only by the tendrils of hair that had escaped his bun. </p><p>“Fine,” Steve said, “What?” </p><p>Bucky took a breath and tilted his head back as if the thin sliver of sky between the buildings would give him the words he needed. Or maybe he was just praying for the patience to deal with Steve. </p><p>“The mission was to clean up the last of Hydra” —he held up a hand to silence Steve’s automatic reaction— “and they needed me to remember the building. Lead them through it. So yes, I needed to get into the Soldier’s head, but it was to access those memories. If I’d have texted you, there would have been a bridge between the two. In my head, I mean.” </p><p>“A bridge?”</p><p>“You know when I first started to remember you? On the helicarrier?”</p><p>“‘Course,” Steve said, closing his eyes against the vivid memory. </p><p>“It was like there were two parts of me, fighting for control of my body. I kept jumping between them. One minute I was getting flashes of you as a kid, and the next, the only thing I knew was my order to— to kill you.” He said the last words quietly to the ground, as if — even after all they’d been through since then — he still couldn’t quite admit it to himself. Steve knew the feeling. </p><p>“Anyways,” Bucky continued, “after I remembered more and you found me in Romania, I was careful to keep the parts separate in my mind. It got easier after Shuri did her thing, and I haven’t needed <em> him </em> on missions until now.” </p><p>Steve bit his lip. Bucky didn’t talk to him much about the Soldier. About any of it, really. Aside from the essentials and a secret or two whispered in the dark, Bucky saved all of it for his therapist. He said he didn’t want all the bad stuff in Steve’s head, eating him up too. Only one of them should have to deal with that. Steve understood, he <em> did, </em> but he treasured any little piece of that experience Bucky would share with him. </p><p>Bucky reached out and squeezed Steve’s arm. “You gotta understand, Doll, he’s not a good part of me. I don’t wanna get my wires crossed, and bringing you in when there’s a part of me that’s still him… it would blur the edges. I want to keep you as far away from him as possible, okay?”</p><p>Steve had been able to read Bucky since they were kids, and he’d had time to relearn Bucky’s face in recent years. Now he was able to tell from the slightest tick what he was feeling. And at that moment, all Steve could see was a heartbreaking mixture of love, sadness, weariness... and regret. </p><p>Steve’s anger — at Bucky for not texting, at the events of their past, at himself for causing a scene — dropped away with every passing second. They’d need to talk more about the next mission later, and what it did to Bucky to live in the Soldier’s mindset for so long. But right now, even Steve could recognize that they both needed a break.</p><p>“Yeah, Buck. Okay,” he said, hooking their fingers together and tugging Bucky gently toward him. </p><p>Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Sorry I scared you, honey. We’ll work something out if I ever need to do that again, mh?” Bucky said as he pulled Steve back toward the sidewalk and out of the alley. “Right now, I just wanna get home and shower.”</p><p>“Yeah, I was gonna say. You smell <em> real </em>nice, Buck.”</p><p>Bucky snorted softly and pinched Steve where his hand was still resting above his hip. “Fuck off, Rogers.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading, and for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and <a href="https://ixalit.tumblr.com/post/627989895285260288/stucky-angst-you-smell-really-nice">shares</a>!</p><p>You can find me on tumblr <a href="https://ixalit.tumblr.com/post/643068614337069056/ixalits-stucky-masterlist-my-ao3-updated">@ixalit</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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